The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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