i permit you to call me
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
nutella sex= disaster
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
