I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
NoShamevember. You game?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just had sex on a roof
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
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