grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
