did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Text me some of your sweat
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
