Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
