Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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