I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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