be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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