i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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