I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
