I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
