Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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