ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
