I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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