Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
