Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
