I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
