tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
