if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
