In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Still dying that you shit outside
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
