Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You dont lie about slip and slides
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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