he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
