My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
