She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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