wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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