whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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