Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
how does that bad decision feel?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
