My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
