youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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