the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
All the doctor said was why
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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