Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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