I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
