I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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