I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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