I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
