she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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