My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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