Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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