yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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