Pregnant stripper...not hot.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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