theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
This is classic penis vs brain.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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