i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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