Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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