So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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