uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
he fucked my hip out of place.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
