So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
