It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
