; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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