just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
