just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
